The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need to calm my uterus...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
