Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
