Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
