How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
