I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
