Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They took my balls.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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