Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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