I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
