Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
