I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
