dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
