Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
3pm strippers are depressing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
