I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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