Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
