I hope mine doesn't look like that
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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