as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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