your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
