My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
