i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
