Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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