WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
