my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
