She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
