Umm I'm too high to move.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
