dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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