and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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