they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
there is glitter all over my balls
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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