ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
