its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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