My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
