You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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