Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
