there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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