Apparently you make a good broom.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
