soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
