My friends, they love my intelligence
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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