They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
