My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
