Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
