I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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