Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
