well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
