her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
