shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
