Can i not drive my cunt home
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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