fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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