So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
