Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
