she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
