Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A bitchslap is in order.
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