My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
