Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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