Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
