He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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