i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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