I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
