Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
