Small penises have feelings too.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
