Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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