Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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