It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize