What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
