feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
