I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize