all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
