dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
