i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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