I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
