I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
