This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
