Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
