fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
