Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
