Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
