Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
