Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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