you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
