Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
