and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
