Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
