He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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