She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
