he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
