Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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