she woke up with a sticky ear
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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