I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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