Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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