I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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