So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Welp...herpes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
