that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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