i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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