I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
