you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
