Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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