actually, I'm a sock model
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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