Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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