Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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