she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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