I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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