my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
