If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize