So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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